To Be Visible or Not To Be

[Re-written: July 13, 2024]

What does it take to be visible?

Some believe that's an odd question. Maybe these individuals never had a need to think about it. These individuals simply are – they don’t feel tension for being different from the crowd. However, from a coach's perspective, many people experience a profound fear of being visible.

This fear can be deep-seated in lived experience and intergenerational trauma. It can also show up differently depending on intersections, and whether these intersections are visible or not.

For example, people who are visibly marginalized, such as those who are unambiguous racialized person or with visible disabilities, may put extra effort into appearing differently than they are (masking), or change how they speak (code switching).

In comparison, those with ambiguous intersections might put more effort into remaining hidden to be mistakenly identified as members of the dominant social group.

When someone operates from fear and hides themselves for too long, cognitive dissonance causes heavy emotional damage. It leads to harmful behaviour, such as:

• Staying silent when observing wrongdoings

• Engaging in projection or transference

• Experiencing rage

This dissonance can manifest in physical damage too, like slouching or on an extreme level, becoming a victim to physical abuse.

Transitioning to becoming visible is a challenge I understand well. I was deeply impacted by systemic and interpersonal racism and coped by minimizing my presence to avoid malicious forces. I stopped sharing my opinions, disengaged from social work events, and was cautious about my interactions to avoid others being targeted by association.

Despite the adversity, I continued wearing bright colors. Chromophobia wasn't going to overtake my life, though it made me a continued target. My lived experiences enable me to quickly recognize similar situations in others.

I often wonder about people's choices in how they show up in both professional and personal lives. Are they masking in their professional life, personal life, or both?

Two primary coping methods can be internalizing hatred, or engage in projection and/or transference. No matter which method dominates someone's life, the impact on friends, family and colleagues is vast because they can feel the chaos. Usually, a person's network doesn't know how to manage or interact with the chaos.

Now, let's look at another context of visibility.

During my time in East Africa, I encountered shadeism, racism, homophobia, and misogyny (including misogynoir) within the organization I worked for. As a person in authority, the overt nature of homophobia was easier to manage because I could openly address and deconstruct it with my team.

The difficult parts involved situations where shadeism was coupled with misogynoir. Unlike the overt homophobia, which was seen as a political issue, these biases were subconscious.

It was disheartening to see the impact these biases had on marginalized workers. Some would exhibit bursts of energy in an effort to be acknowledged by their superiors or peers. Others, usually quiet, would light up with joy when engaged authentically, as simple acts of respect were rare. Then, there was in-fighting due to internalized hatred.

Some were quiet overall and when someone engaged them authentically, they had big smiles and were joyful because they were being treated as a true individual. They were so accustomed to being invisible that even asking how their day was a surprise. On the other end, the in-fighting was phenomenal because of internalized hatred.

I had to use my visible and invisible privileges to dismantle these biases, avoiding heated arguments in the process.

This phenomenon isn’t unique to East Africa. Worldwide, oppressive systems influence how people present themselves.

The potential contributions of those forced into invisibility can be delayed or lost because they are not accepted for their intersections. Witnessing this pattern motivates me to disrupt it. In these situations, resilience and safety are essential, and I strive to foster both as a coach and individual.

So now, I have these questions for you:

• What becomes possible when you constantly show up as your authentic self

• What stops you?

• What if those around you can become better people, simply because you made the choice to be the best version of yourself?

• What if creating a new normal truly was possible?

we can never fully know the impact we have on others by being our true selves. If you allow yourself to be invisible, your valuable life experiences remain hidden. I encourage you to take the first step toward becoming the person you were meant to be, no matter how difficult it may be.